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The Dangle!

While looking through my old computer for some material, I stumbled upon this gem from the fall of 2004. It’s from the classic Canadian comedy show Buzz that was produced in Toronto. I was walking along Queen Street West one Saturday morning and stopped to watch them tape this segment. One of the associate producers asked me if I wanted to give it a shot and of course I obliged.

Although I emerged victorious, my dekes do appear quite slow in the video. I blame that on being out late the night before. A funny sidebar – I actually went to high school with the goalie “Wayne Fatzky”. His real name is Marty Adams and you probably recognize him from lots of commercials and comedy shows. Really funny dude. He and I are both chasing down Bobby Orr as most famous Parry Sounder EVER.

Indian is the new Black

Working at Canada’s public broadcaster has allowed me lots of pretty cool opportunities, and one of them is to collaborate on a summer radio show called ReVision Quest. When it launched in 2008, its original concept was to bust myths about contemporary life in Aboriginal Canada, and today it focuses more on the day-to-day issues we face. There’s a great crew of really talented Aboriginal journalists behind it, and it’s hosted by the always hilarious Darrell Dennis. We’re always looking at different things to cover, and last week my fellow producer Ruth pointed us to YouTube for material. It’s a gold mine.

Mainstream popular culture has always had an odd infatuation with “Indians”, even though that’s never really carried over to real life. It’s more of an obsession with the imagery rather than some of the wholesome ideals all of our cultures are based on. Take the following Cher video, for example:

Granted, Cher claims to in fact be a half-breed (half “Cherokee”, as many of them say). But this must have been early on in her own personal cultural renaissance. The video opens with a totem pole, and then cuts to Cher in a Lakota-like headdress and getup – two things that have nothing to do with each other. Pure exploitation of the image. Don’t get me wrong, I love the song. I’ve belted it out more than once at karaoke bars (I’m a half-breed myself). But Cher wasn’t doing any of her native brothers and sisters any favours with this video. For me, the real star is the totally stoic horse, who’s obviously totally gooned on PCP.

Then there’s this gem from Loretta Lynn called “Your Squaw is on the Warpath”

I’ve always been a big fan of Loretta Lynn for blazing a trail for female musicians. And this song is kinda awesome, if you follow the narrative in the lyrics. You can easily argue she’s simply using Indian metaphors for the plight of a frustrated woman. But I can’t excuse the use of the word “squaw”. It’s one of the most offensive terms out there referring to Aboriginal women. I have trouble even saying it. Apparently she’s also part “Cherokee”, which is her supposed license to sing such a song.

But you’d be hard-pressed to find any Cherokees in this crowd…

Shifting from pop music to sports, baseball fans will be familiar with this. It’s the “Tomahawk Chop”, insensitively popularized by Atlanta Braves fans in the early 1990s. This dumbfounded me as a 12 year old, and it blows my mind even today. I made a more comprehensive commentary (see “Indians Finally Win One!) a few years ago on Native American imagery in pro sports (originally an article turned down by VICE Magazine), so I won’t go more into this now. But the chop is alive and well, proving white suburbanites in Georgia still want to be Indian. Scalp those Pittsburgh Pirates!

Such examples are varied and far-reaching, so a post like this could go on and on. But fear not, we’re slowly taking over the mainstream media and we’ll do our best to eradicate exploitation! Cue the pow-wow intro music…

A Perpetual Resolve

They gasp and wheeze through just a few minutes on the elliptical. Sweat drips from their brows and soaks their t-shirts as their trembling fingers reach for the “stop” button on the treadmill. They can only muster one or two incline presses before calling it a day. It’s January so that means all kinds of gyms and fitness centres are overflowing with the overweight and the unhealthy. Countless people who have resolved to finally get back into the shape they were in their “prime”. Well I think new year’s resolutions are bullshit. We should always be trying to institute positive influences in our lives, whether physical, emotional, professional and so on. Physical fitness means a lot to me (although I could be in way better shape) and I think it’s crucial to stay active, mix it up, and most importantly, have fun.

Personal Background

Both of my parents were pretty dedicated athletes when they met in high school. In fact, my dad was the 1974 Ontario high school wrestling champion and competed for many years on a national level. But I think I was born at a slight disadvantage when their genes mixed. He was a massive Ojibway dude, and she was a short white chick. I grew up with his bulk, but with her height. My childhood fluctuated between being chubby and awkward and athletically apt. But by the time I got to high school I blossomed into a pretty competent athlete in hockey, baseball, soccer, rugby, and karate. I gave all that up when I went to university, and ended up putting on 30 extra pounds I didn’t need by my third year. When you’re overweight and Aboriginal, diabetes and other health issues stare you right in the eyeballs, so I made a serious effort to get back into shape. I started lifting weights and running, and returned to my “prime” by 23. The Winnipeg winters have put some of that insulation back on the old midsection, but I’m working on getting rid of that for good. Today, this is how I stay active:

Weightlifting

These guns aren’t just for show. I started lifting weights seriously when I was about 19, and found it pretty easy and rewarding right away. I work a different muscle group each time, and to keep it interesting I always try to find new lifting routines. But picking stuff up and putting it down for an hour can get pretty boring. And in those early days, although the cannons were beefing up, I still had a big powder keg in the gut that I had to do something about.

Running

Running when you’re fat is hard. But it paid off quickly, and got easier and easier. Today I try to run at least four times a week for about 45 minutes. When Winnipeg’s not coated with snow and ice, I enjoy running down Wellington Crescent to Assiniboine Park. Otherwise it’s treadmills at the Y. I just learned how to run intervals from Vic and it’s a fun new challenge.

Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

I’ve always been a huge fan of mixed martial arts. For months, a couple of buddies encouraged me to try Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, and I finally gave it a shot in August. I went to a couple of classes at Team Canada MMA here in Winnipeg taught by Rodrigo Munduruca and was hooked. Now I try to go about three times a week (which is about as much as I can handle). It’s the toughest workout I’ve ever done. Every class is an intense physical and mental challenge that pushes your lungs and every muscle in your body to the limit. Plus, you’ve never been humbled until you’ve been arm-barred or choked out.

Dodgeball

As serious and intimidating as BJJ can be, dodgeball is a nice respite on the other end of the recreational spectrum. “Dodgeball?!?” you may ask. “ADULTS play that?” I had the same reaction when a friend at work asked me to join her team. There’s some pretty serious weekly co-ed action through the Winnipeg Rec League at various gyms throughout the city. There’s lots of running, throwing, and, um, dodging that can really get the heart racing. Some geeks take it pretty seriously, but it’s a hell of a lot of fun.

So this has been my workout routine since October. Who knows if all of it will return me to my “prime”. I am entering my 30s, after all. But I’m having a blast doing it, and it’s keeping me from making lame proclamations every January 1st. Hey diabetes – BRING IT!

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